Monday, June 9, 2014

Toxic Narcissists

A   L   O   H   A !
"Half the harm 
that is done in this world
 is due to people 
who want to feel 
important.  -







They don’t mean to do harm,
 but the harm (that they cause)
 does not interest them.  
Or they do not see it, 
or they justify it -






- because they are absorbed 
in the endless struggle 
to think well of themselves. "
                                   T.S. Eliot

[]

One of life's 
biggest challenges
is dealing with
Toxic Narcissists.

We are at a disadvantage
from the moment
they enter our lives.

How do you deal fairly
with those who act
like your judge:
criticizing,
expecting,
 demanding?

Everything we do
is viewed by them
through the lens
of their self interest,
ego needs,
and suspicion.

"My way- or the highway"
Types
smother freedom
or declare war;

There's no middle ground
with them.
You are either
their emotional servant,
or an enemy.

This toxicity must be
avoided or contained
or it can poison
your well-being.

Moral, health,
 and emotional hazards
abound
when they are our
family members,
neighbors,
co-workers,
or otherwise 
unavoidable.

Remember:
Balance & discussion
are pointless: 

"Trying to 
reform narcissists 
by reasoning with them 
or by appealing to their 
better nature is
 about as effective 
as spitting in the ocean.”
                                         Anon.

They will remember
and repeat
their negative interpretation
of your every act,
no matter how long ago,
even as they are blind
to their own behavior
and it's real world
consequences.

Which complicates the fact
that the only way to
interact with them
is behavioral.
[If you cannot
 avoid them altogether]

Do not be baited.
Remain centered.
Do what you need to do.
Say little.

Do not "ignore them"
ostentatiously.

Speak courteously always.

This will frustrate their
tactic of lying about you
to others:
Don't give them material.

[ They can appear
quite lovely to those
they are not fixated on.
Usually it is their own
children or family members
who bear the brunt. ]


Don't believe them
when they try
to draw you in,
or they will
"Gas Light" you.

Just listen politely.

They well know how
to manipulate
whenever
 it suits them.
They may even dangle
the loving relationship
 you seek.

Don't kick that football
Charlie Brown!
Link

Just do your duty.
Give them love.
Stay safe.
Remember:
This is all about
their fragile, 
wounded ego.

Good Luck!

Have you experienced this?
Share in comments please -



18 comments:

eViL pOp TaRt said...

I know of what you speak, Cloudia. I had a boyfriend like that for a while when I was a teen, who constantly wanted to 'improve me'. Getting rid of him really helped my self-esteem.

Your essay today was really, really wise. Toxic narcissists have to be encountered; but they don't need to rob you of your joy!

Anonymous said...

Beautiful photo entries! Hope the firey sunset burns out the "owies" from the toxins.
DrumMajor

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Stay away from the
Toxic Narcissists. Stick with the Narcissus, instead.

(I'm sure I have some of my own pics somewhere, but not on this pc.)
~

Charles Gramlich said...

I don't know how people get so confident in themselves that way. Narcissistic people are really strange.

Cloudia said...

Thanks, friends

Big Sky Heidi said...

Sound advice, Cloudia!

Teresa said...

Wow!! Wonderful advice. Thanks a million. I needed to read this today.

Bob Bushell said...

Yes, it is everywhere, bad thing, thanks Cloudia.

Elephant's Child said...

I have a couple in the family. And try and ignore them. Not always easy.

carol l mckenna said...

Absolutely gorgeous photos ~ I love Hawaii and post is excellent about narcissism ~ and world problems ~ Peace would be so simple without 'greed' ~ and self obsessed people ~ Enjoy the week ~ xoxo

artmusedog and carol (A Creative Harbor)

Friko said...

Oh yes, I’ve come across somebody like this.
I am afraid I have learned to ignore them and forget about them. I feel much happier having shut them out of my life.

I don’t believe in loving somebody who is bad for my well-being.

Vanessa V Kilmer said...

Your skylines keep me looking up.

Vanessa V Kilmer said...

I came back and read carefully. Thanks. :)

Grand Crapaud said...

An awesome post!

William Kendall said...

I have been there, Cloudia. I'm no longer on speaking terms with my two sisters. They're both toxic and negative, but one of them has that narcisstic streak- two faced in lots of ways.

It took a lot of therapy, and ultimately to preserve my own well being, I had to permanently sever ties.

ladyfi said...

Oh yes - this rings true! My poor daughter is suffering this at the hand of a toxic teenager, who is insecure....

Nice shots too!

Kay said...

I just wrote something and published and got an error message. This is a test to see if it goes through.

Kay said...

Hmmmm.... It worked. Darn, I lost my other long message. Shoot! I wrote that we've had some uncomfortable relationships that we've had to pull out from.