Click on photos to enlarge!A winter sky morning in Waikiki
"Keep your fears to yourself, but share your inspiration with others." Robert Louis Stevenson
"Fear is an emotion indispensable for survival." Hannah Arendt
Why endure conditions like the photo above
when you can be in this lovely institution?
(below)
" You must do the things you think you cannot do."
Eleanor Roosevelt
But there's a lovely Zen Garden outside the
Window. (below)
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." Eleanor Roosevelt
But the view from the parking structure was
GREAT! (bottom)
I'm no wimp.
I've ridden my motorcycle at 100 mph with only a flimsy ball cap pulled down over my brow, and helped to found a women's M.C. Club that flew our own back "Patch" and had the respect of the local outlaw clubs. . .
I have endured painful hospitalizations, and I have played impromptu Jazz on stage before hundreds of people. . .
At 16 I hitch-hiked away from home with a bed roll to see the world, and I have sailed out of sight of land, into international waters and to other nations. . .
I have done street outreach work in drug districts and prostitution zones all by myself in the middle of the night. . .
I drove a taxi overnight. . .
But I was afraid to have a mammogram and I made up my mind about that years ago. . .
Then my doctor found something or other in a breast exam and I agreed to have an ultrasound taken. You know what happened next: they recommended a diagnostic mammogram. . .
A small part of me was happy under the fear.
"What am I happy about?" I asked my little secret self.
"Oh this is great!" I replied to myself.
"Great?"
"Yeah! Either you'll be clear, or maybe you'll find something early."
Hmmm; that sounded pretty smart. But what about the decision I'd made?
"Change your mind." And so I did. . .
The waiting was the hardest part. I even had nightmares about it. But I kept it all to myself except for my dear friend Beth. Why worry my husband? (Though I'd kill him if he did the same thing ;-) . . .
Today was the day.
It wasn't that bad. And now I know that I'm clear. Plus I've learned just how much I want to stick around this fizzing world of ours! I want to live to see what will happen next!
The other worries in my life have been cut down to size. I'm alive; and I'm keeping my breast. YAY!!!!!! I called my favourite husband to tell him the good news. . .
Dedicated to RiverPoet, Daryl, Akelamalu, and all the fearless and amazing women and men I've met here in the blogosphere.
A L O H A! Cloudia
Yeah, Cloudia, even itty bitty breasts like mine need a mammogram every year.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't take hormone replacement therapy, either!
I congratulate you on your clean bill of health! Let the good times rock n roll.
Great that you changed your mind and that it led, through a bit of pain, to a comforting conclusion but...
ReplyDeleteregarding that first picture, it may technically be winter yet to usn's of the snow bound regions of the mainland...if there are not tears of ice dripping from the palm leaves ...it just ain't winter Cloudia.
Ride on, sistah!
ReplyDeleteYour Stevenson quote reminds me: in a previous life I was a lay preacher; we were always implored to Preach your certainties, not your doubts.
ReplyDeleteThis post is close to my heart Cloudia. It is such an important gift you have given to us all :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad everything was negative. It's scary getting older. My health is not what it used to be. And I worry more now than I did in the good old days. Glad everything worked out all right, though.
ReplyDeleteYES! I'm so happy that it was nothing! I went through this last year, and it may happen again. Always remember that most "areas of concern" usually amount to nothing. The fact that you got yourself in there to have the test is the most important part.
ReplyDeleteA big ALOHA to you, my friend...thanks for the props...D
Hooray ...and thank you for the shout out ... now you will schedule a year squish wont you?
ReplyDeleteWell done. For going, and for not having needed to in the end. Double well done. Plus, that sort of thing doesn't half make one appreciate the seasons and the small things of life as one should, but often forgets to.
ReplyDeleteYes, we want you to stick around! (as do we all!) Glad all is well.
ReplyDeleteI am so happy you went for the mammogram my friend. I always have mine and this year it proved a blessing. Let's have a party! :)
ReplyDeleteSO glad you went back for your re-testing....you wouldn't have wanted a chewing out from me! That's a LONG hall in the hospital photo, but the cross lights are interesting.
ReplyDeleteGo celebrate being a GOOD patient. Yep, your own Comfort Spiral was a sideways slinky for a bit, and yep, all we Aloha Allies would like you around for long time. Mahalo, DrumMajor
Good for you for getting it finally getting it done. I love the way you faced it. Those pictures are very profound and show what you were going through and made me think of all the women before and after who will not get good news. Beautiful, thought provoking post.
ReplyDeleteI am glad to hear that you are clear.
just found you via written. love what you wrote here. I can relate on some level. congratulations on your clean bill of health. that is great news. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for giving the results in the same post so that I am not sitting over here cold and worried!
ReplyDeleteYou also answered one of my questions: did you really drive a taxi?
For those of you that read here - Cloudia has a great book that I'll be sharing with readers of my blog, and I will send it (with conditions of further sharing) to a reader in the near future.
Your nerves of steel are still with you, Cloudia. Take deep breaths as life goes on. I do.
ReplyDeleteGigi: Mahalo.
ReplyDeleteWalking Man: Know what you mean, but we do notice the seasonal changes. The Hawaiians of old described 13 distinct seasons! Thank You.
Chris: ;->
Dave King: You can preach to me anytime!
Denise: Aloha and thanks!
Charles: Thank you. Stay healthy!
RiverPoet: You REALLY deserve it. Your blog is a "don't miss."
DaryL Quite possibly ;-~
Love Ya!!
Brother T: "Double Well Done." An intended pun? Your visits & Comments are a gift you give. Mahalo!
Deborah: Yup, you and me, kid!!
Ake: Thanks for that!!
Drum Major: You are a dear friend!
OnAngelWings: What a little gem you left here! I welcome you - please do visit us here often!
SeaLaura: Thanks! Glad to meet you-
Junosmom: Glad to see you, icicle! Been worrying about you and the chickens. So truly glad you enjoyed my little novel. (It's actually a spiritual journey isn;t it?). Yes! Largely autobiographical. Kimo the dog is real and still comes around! Warm aloha to YOU Gal Pal!!
Thanks Barbara: You are a really cool person as WELL as a great blogger and reviewer. Thanks for your visits, I value them!
great to know that you are in the clear!
ReplyDeleteand i sure admire all that you did growing up!!
wow!
So good to hear that all is well. These 2 hospital pictures had me worried, but then, your great story lead to a happy end!
ReplyDeleteyeah! Glad to hear you're all clear and you just decided to change your mind.
ReplyDelete