Thursday, June 4, 2009

Riding with Dad

Aloha & Welcome to Waikiki! The trade winds are back today.
Bliss!

Today I had to drive out to Mapunapuna and pick Dad up.

“Come Fairies, take me out of this dull world, for I would ride with you upon the wind and dance upon the mountains like a flame!”
William Butler Yeats

A "Funny" guy, he could be stressful to others. But I knew we'd have a lovely ride together.

“I think the thing to do is to enjoy the ride while you're on it.”
Johnny Depp



I loved to see him laugh, and I really enjoyed sharing my town, Honolulu, with this "city boy" from the streets of Philadelphia who had lived on the rural Big Island of Hawaii for years. Here he is with Mom enjoying the Lunar New Year's Lion Dance blessing.

“Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.”
Franklin P. Jones


So I drove out the H-1 this morning and picked him up.
It was a quiet ride. I did most of the talking.
He didn't criticize my driving, or suggest a better route.
He wasn't preoccupied with a list of "things to be done" and "things to worry about."
We stopped at the drive-through at Wendy's, and parked under a tree while I had lunch. He didn't want anything.
I remembered that some of the best times we ever had were in cars, including those diminutive English Fords he used in his route. He drove through the various ethnic neighborhoods of Philly selling dresses, housewares, and small luxuries to housewives on the installment plan. They bought some, they paid some; Poor Italians, Poles, "Negroes" (as polite folks called them then). He knew every corner in our "city of neighborhoods."
And everybody knew my Dad, albeit under a variety of "street names." I remember:
"Johnny the Dress Man."
for one.
Sometimes, like over winter break from school, I'd ride beside him, piled in with all the "merchandise" and all the notebooks, tools, and empty soda bottles that made up his "office."
My schoolmates remained safely in suburban ignorance, but I knew the grit, cobblestones, trolley tracks, corner "tap rooms" (bars/pubs) factories, and older housing stock of the city." I also knew that everyone was not Caucasian.
At Christmas the housewives clucked over me, and fed me cookies from every culinary tradition in town! Not my favorite Chinatown, though, as that was still a mysterious and impenetrable enigma broached only for "Chinese" food (the nectar of urban life!).
When I saw this exact "salesman dad/ride-along-kid" vignette on-screen in the film "Avalon" I felt as though I was watching a home-movie! The time period, and Baltimore row houses were PERFECT!
Later, Dad got up before dawn to deliver fresh-baked Italian Rolls from the Amoroso factory. This was his transitional period. I remember riding in the big truck, and learning how HEAVY bread could be!
"I wake the birds up every morning," He said, and it was true!
A changing society saw America's cities burst into flaming Summer "race" riots.
It was a far cry from my "Martha & The Vandellas (female vandals?) 'Dancing in the Streets' growing-up years. I was SO proud that they sang "Philadelphia PA now" in the list of places where folks were "dancin` in the streets!"
Now, even we no longer felt safe in certain areas.
Yo, Philly!
I'm very glad I knew that vanishing, blue collar city of breweries and lunch buckets before the decay of the 70's, and subsequent gentrification, changed my grandparent's red brick city forever.
So today I ate "street food" in the car like we always did.
Dad didn't mind.
I thought of all these memories, and more.
There was even a tear shed.
Though the Hawaiian music station was playing on the radio, I seemed to hear DooWop being sung by some kids on a corner somewhere.
My Dad, the poor kid from the streets of West Philly (neighborhoods, corners, high schools are important)
awoke his most recent mornings in sparkling Waikiki.
"Not bad for two kids from the city!" He'd tell Mom.
Last Fall, we watched the Phillies (complete with Hawaii player Shane Victorino!) win the World Series from Mom & Dad's "beach apartment."
After the bread, he got into the janitorial business.
Many were the exhausted ultra-early morning, or ultra-late at night, rides we took through our sleeping city together, surrounded by our mops, and rags, and keys. I still have a proprietary love of buildings that Kona couldn't satisfy. Luckily, my Honolulu has a gracious crop of many storeys and vintages!
Often we'd stop somewhere to grab a bite to eat, as today. I thought of all those rides as I ate: rides to school, to hospital, "down the shore" and even college visits. There were tense rides, and fun rides.
Winter & Summer; youth and middle age.
Today I had my last ride with Dad;
Bringing his ashes home to Mom
and to Waikiki. . .
A L O H A! Cloudia

33 comments:

  1. ...and it was as fine a final ride as a father could hope for. fathers are all about hope. Hoping that they made a difference to their children, made some good memories to serve them when they are forced to move on without us.

    In being a father, your father is a success.

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  2. Oh Cloudia, I'm so sorry for your loss. This is a beautiful post of sweet memories.

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  3. A beautiful tribute to your father, Cloudia! I am so sorry for your loss. You're the daughter he loved and deserved! He was the father you loved and deserved!

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  4. A little tough to read this through the tears. This is just beautiful Cloudia. What wonderful memories. Aloha friend.

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  5. What a pleasant ride....no argument about anything this time, eh?.
    (My Mom wanted to carry my Dad's ashes on the plane to Hawaii. Since it was after 9/11, they would have frowned on a heavy, solid thing trying to be carried on the plane.....so, we FedEx'd my Dad to the Maui funeral home, picked them up and took the "Burial at Sea" boat off Lahaina.
    Mom's are comin' too when I get there the next time...you should officiate on the boat...
    Cheers, Hang in there, DrumMajor

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  6. Oh, this was a beautiful tribute to your dad. To your family. To the love you shared and continue to hold in your heart.

    I am crying right now. Wishing every one of us could know the kind of love for a dad, a home, and a sense of place with the kind of heart you describe so eloquently.

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  7. I'm not sure how I knew this ending, but I felt it so deep in my heart that I was crying long before you'd finished your lunch from Wendy's...what a wonderful tribute to your Dad...all Dad's should be so worthy of comment.
    I came here because Sandy Carlson recommended it. Now that is one sharp lady! She IS GOOD! So are you.
    Sandi

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  8. such a beautiful tribute!

    namaste /\
    aloha!

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  9. Quite an urn full of memories you carry, dear Cloudia.
    Thank you for writing it all out.
    May the bow in the cloud be the connection between you and Dad, z"l.

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  10. Beautifully written, my friend, and a wonder filled tribute to your father. Thank you for sharing this celebration of a life with us. Aloha, Cloudia.

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  11. I knew the ending, after our private e-mails, and as I read I could feel how much you love him!

    A fitting tribute and celebration of life. I know he is proud of you!

    Blessings, my long-distance friend.

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  12. This is the most beautiful post, memorial, Cloudia, its clear you and your dad had a very special relationship (I can soooo identify) .. this touched me deeply .. I wish I was there to give you a big hug .. and say goodbye to your dad .. rest in peace .. xo

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  13. What a lovely remembrance, Cloudia - thank you for sharing this emotional journey of the heart and the H-1 with us.

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  14. A really moving post, Cloudia.

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  15. And how nice he had a condo to come home to. As he said, "Not bad for a kid from Philly."

    Cloudia, your dad was a hard worker, trying to support his family. There was joy in his everyday tasks. I am glad I got to meet him 2 years ago. Take care, my friend.

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  16. What a beautiful post. Amazing man. I wonder if my mom or grandmom knew him, grew up in the same area.

    This time, I am crying, while I smile from ear to ear.

    A true life celebration of a great man.

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  17. He looks like a fellow who knew how to embrace life and fun.

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  18. Oh Cloudia, what a beautiful and moving tribute to your Dad. I am crying again. Thank you so much for inviting me to this celebration of his life.

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  19. Cloudia - how sad it all seems - but maybe you got comfort from that final ride. I do hope so.

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  20. dad looks happy, so does mum, and it doesnt seem strange, given the beautiful skies with rainbows that you have staring down at you!

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  21. What happy photos of your Dad m'dear and I'm sure he enjoyed his last ride with you today. Reiki blessings to you my lovely. xxx

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  22. Oh, I just loved this post. My father was a "peddler" too. He sold pots and pans in the 50's, and storm windows too. In the 60's he was selling sewing machines (he called them "stichers") to housewives in the home. By the 70's he had a chain of appliance stores here in Southern California. He used to drag me with him on his appointments when I was a child, and when we got older I was the only kid that would go along with him.

    You captured the feel of the city and I loved the photos of your Dad. It's so hard to lose a father. But the memories are gifts.

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  23. As I have said before, you have a sweet spirit. :)

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  24. A fine tribute to a father well loved. I'm certain his spirit is beaming with joy from your post.

    Your quote from Johnny Depp is well said.

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  25. My father was from Philly. Christian Street, and knew Jack Klugman as a child. Yo, Philly! Cheesesteaks. Pretzels.
    You got SOME story there! Loved it!

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  26. What a beautiful tribute to your father! Sorry for your loss.

    what memories!

    Aloha!

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  27. Walking Man
    Kay
    Reader Wil
    Tricia
    Drum Major Linda
    Sandy C
    Sandi
    Magic Eye
    Dina
    Grandpa Joe
    Jenn
    Daryl

    Deborah
    Teresa
    GiGi

    Bubble Wench
    Charles

    Mr. NECKman
    Weaver

    Med Kiwi
    Ake

    Elizabeth
    Bama T

    Barbara M
    &
    Country Girl-
    THANKS TO EACH ONE OF YOU FOR JOINING THIS VIRTUAL MEMORIAL TODAY.
    Love, Aloha & Peace to each of you Dears ;-)

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  28. What a wonderful post about your dad. xo

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  29. When you put the names in a column like that, you see how big your pillar of support is. So many friends who love you, even we who have never met you.

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  30. What a beautiful and touching post. My father passed a few years ago and despite the complexities of our relationship, I continue to realize the depth of my love for him. I have also realized that the only thing I have (truly) are memories of our rare moments together scattered across 35 years...alive in my memory alone now. They are aglow and very close to my heart.Mahalo for sharing this way. Much much love to you. Aloha.

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  31. Hi Cloudia, a beautiful post and I loved hearing about your Dad. He sounded wonderful and you have some of the greatest memories. On Monday I would like to introduce you to mine. I did a pre-post yesterday for My Days Gone By which will appear on Monday morning. I think my Dad and your Dad would have really liked each other. My heart goes out to you for your loss.

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  32. Dina
    DeeTree
    Denise...

    Thanks for coming. Your presence was a comfort.
    Aloha, cloudia

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