How to be Right, while Dead Wrong

A L O H A !

“ People may not remember 

exactly what you did

or what you said,

but they will always remember

how you made them

feel. ”

Tony Hsieh

" Boldness

is a mask

for fear,

however great. "

John Dryden

" There is only one judge. . .  So who are you
to judge your neighbor? "

 GOD'S WORD ® Translation

"who art thou that dost judge the other? "

Young's Literal Translation

James 4:12

Bible

  > < } } ( ° >

     

Was there ever a time

when we debated ideas?

Today

what we do
is choose sides

and attack!

We have no patience

for the details-

everything 
is a chance

to argue.

We used to try to 

convince

in good faith;

Now the most shocking assertions

get all the attention.

There is no career to be made

with common sense.

To keep passion alive,

(and reason asleep?)

  assertions need to be 

more

and more extreme.

And since we only listen

to those we already agree with

the extreme gulf in partisan views

only grows wider.

Who is building a bridge?

How can you invite agreement
with a combative, angry tone?

Our "news" &

politics is reported the same way

that celebrity gossip is,

repeating the same trivial,

school-yard stuff

over and over again

without un-packing it.
Gotcha!

So what are we trying to accomplish?

Media, pundits & radio personalities

want attention, airtime and money.

What do YOU want?

In a free society,

can either extreme win,

then rule 

their neighbors?

So what's your bottom line?

Would you rather make the best put-down

or find common ground upon which 
society

- all of us -

can move forward
together?

Do you want to be "right"

or be effective?

Merciless - or wise?

You can be technically
correct,

but the person you argue with
is telling you

what is Emotionally True to THEM,

what matters most to THEM.

Do you care enough to listen
instead of merely
preparing your 

ammunition?

Can we even really
hear each other
anymore?

Yes,
you may be "correct"
on your facts,

but be DEAD WRONG
in your attitude,
behavior,
results.

This is a Democracy -

not a winner-takes-all 

demolition derby.

Or is it?

We do not need to agree
on everything,
in order to live agreeably.

But we do need to understand
what really motivates
people
who hold opinions that seem
incompatible with our own.


To do that,
we need to regard them
once again
as
people,
not as stereotypes.


We need, in a real sense,
to 'love' our neighbor
as we do ourselves;
That is: as
basically good persons;
Persons who deserve
to be listened to.

So what is missing today?

Please share your opinion with us
in comments.

& Thanks for your valued visit.

                                                                    Warmly, cloudia

Endings & Beginnings

Ted Trimmer photo, top

Waikiki back in the day.

courtesy HI State Archives

Diamond Head from the Airport

"[J. Edgar] Hoover had a lifelong suspicion of those who throught the Constitution actually meant something." - Louis 'Studs' Terkel, 1912-2008

"Loss is nothing more than change, and change is nature's delight."

- Marcus Aurelius

"It follows Jo - Ha - Kyu. Ju means 'serene introduction.' Ha means 'extended and detailed narrative information.' Kyu means 'an ending which is surprisingly sudden.' It's much more interesting than the Aristotelian model of beginning, middle and end. The Japanese say: 'Listen to the birdsong, it has a jo, a ha, and a kyu. To them it's completely natural." - Gary Snyder discussing his poem cycle "Mountains and Rivers Without End" that he worked on from 1956-1996. From a NEW YORKER interview.

Walking in Waikiki and Remembering Don Ho

When I was a kid, DON HO struck me as kind of “hokey.” I was more interested in Rock & Roll. Don’s easy-going, happy island music and manner seemed too close to “easy listening” to my young ears I guess. You see, back then I didn’t understand the Aloha Spirit, certainly not the way I cherish and try to practice it today after 20 lucky years in Hawaii Nei. It was an island pal attending school in Chicago, Joe Dunne, who alerted me (over a year ago) to Don’s passing in a text message: “Is Don Ho DEAD?!” A chill went through me. Yes, something was different in the trade winds and the gentle surf. A great Hawaiian has left us, and a special time is passing away. The Waikiki of Duke Paoa Kahanamoku and Hawaii 50 is becoming a precious memory that we share with our oldest and dearest friends. Remember? Aloha and Mahalo, Don Ho. A piece of our heritage is gone, but the joyous Aloha you shared with all of us will never dim. A Hui Ho!
Yes, a great Hawaiian has passed, but new beginnings follow every ending, and every wave trough is followed by a crest that we can ride.
Friday evening around Pau Hana time I got a call from a friend I had never met. A neighbor island couple was at Queen’s Hospital unexpectedly, and a serious health crisis had turned their thoughts toward marriage. Saturday was the anniversary of their first date, and they wanted to know if I could come to the hospital and perform a wedding ceremony for them! All the details were worked excitedly out. They could see the health department’s Kinau Hale (marriage license!) right across Punchbowl Street just outside their window. Performing a wedding ceremony has to be one of life’s true “highs.” So mahalo to my new friends for asking, and new husband: Get better soon!
Saturday marked another very special opening at the new Waikiki Beach Walk. Mana Hawaii is the place for authentic Hawaiian arts, music, books and even Lomi Lomi massage! A large happy throng of Hawaiians and their friends was present to bless the new store, and I’d have to say it was the largest and most exciting event yet down on the new Lewers Street. Mr. Waikiki, Jeff Apaka, MC’ed, welcoming all of us. Did you know that Jeff’s dad Alfred Apaka was one of Hawaii’s great vocalists? His influence was world reaching in his day, and you can even see his statue at the Hilton Hawaiian Village. Hula Halau Lokahi, from the Lokahi Hawaiian Language Charter School performed under the direction of their Kumu, cultural specialist Hina Wong. Maile Meyer, of Na Mea Hawaii shop, and one of the guiding lights of the new store, made time to graciously welcome old friends and new. I spotted another Mana Hawaii luminary: Maluhia Rang of Native Books (genuine local books from scholarly to children’s’ and everything in between!) Tony C of the Hawaii’s Stars TV show, and even slack key guitarist extraordinaire Keola Beamer was there! Do yourself a favor and buy one of Keola’s CDs when you check out the new store.
Office of Hawaiian Affairs trustee Haunani Apoliona, herself a wonderful musician, was kind enough to talk story with me for a few moments. Her evident humility and sincerity touched me. The future of the Hawaiian People is something she takes as a sacred responsibility. “Pray for us.” Was her simple request. Join me in that, won’t you? I asked famous kumu hula Pat Namaka Bacon if she would be judging any competitions again soon. You see we all missed her at last year’s Merrie Monarch Festival judges table. “The young kumu think I’m too strict!” she smiled in answer; but I sensed a great deal of pride and satisfaction about the current flourishing of Hawaiian culture. The Hawaiian-fluent children dancing before us spoke volumes!
Before pulling myself away from the festivities I had the chance to chat with Paleka, the craftsman who helped to construct the new store interior. He introduced me to Maile Lee, of the Lomi Shop(s) (herself a kumu hula). They painted such an exciting picture of the events and authentic entertainment to be held in Waikiki this Fall and Winter that I can hardly wait!
Looking down from the second floor lanai, just outside of the Cheese Burger Restaurant, I noticed the small lane entering Lewers and it’s street sign. I had seen that sign hundreds of times before without paying it much mind: “Don Ho Lane.” The old Islander Coffeehouse, where I had eaten my first breakfast in Hawaii over 20 years ago, is gone, but that sign remains, a fitting tribute to a man who did much to change the face of Waikiki. Beginnings & endings, eh? Endings, openings, weddings, the rebirth of a culture; the circle of life. . . Which reminds me! It won't be complete without YOU! Get your tickets and your hotel reservations and Be Here!
Till then. . . look for me on Kalakaua Avenue. . . walking in Waikiki. . . Aloha!

Quick note: Welcome to Big Islanders, Milt & Ruth Weiss who’ve taken up residence at the beautiful Waikiki Banyan! Bet they didn’t know that their new street, Ohua, is named after the small fish that run off of their new beach every year!

A L O H A! Cloudia

Check out my Hawaii Taxi Cab Novel: “Aloha Where You Like Go?” at Amazon.com and Isle bookshops. Signed copies happily mailed world-wide for $25 USD!

One O'Clock

top: a Ted Trimmer Photo

Morning Sky

The Cousins

"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today." - James Dean

"If you hear that someone is speaking ill of you, instead of trying to defend yourself you should say: 'He obviously does not know me very well, since there are so many other faults he could have mentioned.'" - Epictetus

"I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything."

- Steven Wright

Dad and I had a complicated relationship from the beginning. It was a product of the times, and of two very different temperaments. Recently when I read that brain scans show activity in the pleasure centers of bullies when they are torturing their victims, I found myself reflecting on Dad and on my upbringing. Immediately I felt guilty. . . but still . . .

He never intended to be "challenging." He kept a roof over our heads. He didn't ever understand the effect he was having. Going out on my own helped me to grow up and to follow my path . . . but still. . .

A few years ago he & Mom moved to O`ahu from the Big Island. I was glad and looked forward (finally!) to having relaxed times with them in their old age. Everything quickly became a negotiation. They mean well . . . but still . . .

They both are key parts of my identity, some parts I've had to outgrow, and some I cherish. A few weeks ago, Dad started talking about being the last of his circle of childhood buddies. All gone except the last of the Mohicans. He reached his 82nd birthday and started talking about "when he goes." Probably he already felt the signs. Soon we all noticed that he was weakening and losing weight. He's had health scares before, but bounced back. I guess I stupidly always thought there'd be time to laugh together . . . but still . . .

I was at his place when the Phillies won the World Series. It was one thing we could share happiness about.

The WWII veteran was also overjoyed when Barack won the White House; something else we share.

I knew that he had cancer. I've been a hospice volunteer and know the signs when they come in, still talking about "when I get better." . . . but still . . .

A fellow blogger, Bubble Wench, recently posted an honest "cri de cour," a cry from her heart, about all the challenges that she's carrying right now. Rather than be turned-off, or taking the opportunity to feel better about myself, I was moved by her honesty & courage. Judging by her comments forum, many others felt the same. She isn't a whiner - she's courageous . . . and human. Today deciding whether I had it in me to post more than pictures & quotes I thought of my web friend Bubble Wench and decided to risk sharing my heart with you this day.

You see, at One O'clock, Dad & Mom will be at the doctors office hearing the results of a million scans and tests. I already know what they will say: "Very little time for my Dad to really see me, and for us to really commune from our hearts." Tomorrow I'll resume posting about King Kalakaua's 172nd birthday (on Sunday), rhapsodising about the healing skies and drumming of the surf . . .but first, I want to leave you with a passage by a wise woman. I dedicate it to you, my web-friends, and fellow wounded healers.

“Service rests on the basic premise that the nature of life is sacred…Fundamentally, helping, fixing, and service are ways of seeing life. When you help, you see life as weak. When you fix, you see life as broken. When you serve, you see life as whole. From the perspective of service, we are all connected. All suffering is like my suffering and all joy is like my joy…Service goes beyond expertise. Service is another way of life. Service is a relationship between equals…In helping, we may find a sense of satisfaction; in serving, we have an experience of gratitude… When we serve, we discover that life is holy…Service is closer to generosity than it is to duty…Over the long run, fixing and helping are draining but service is renewing. When you serve, your work itself will sustain you, renew you, and bless you, often over many years.”

- Rachel Naomi Remen, from her book, 'My Grandfather’s Blessings'

Aloha Nui to YOU all!

Cloudia

Self Portraits

top: Ted Trimmer

Chinese Christian Church

Young St. shops

"The stone said to the cloud: "You are not strong like me, or hard. What good are you?" -Annonymous

"A book is a mirror: if an ape looks into it, an apostle is unlikely to look out." -George C. Lichtenberg

". . . errors are [his] portals of discovery." - James Joyce

"It's OK to be different. Isn't it?" - A 6 year old

Your life is a work of art

a self-portrait in fact and deed.

Things that happen, "good" and "bad"

are just the artists material.

One's life is a self portrait

what does yours look like?

Dedicated to Studs Turkel, who showed the beauty and power of "average" lives.

A L O H A! Cloudia