Thursday, November 11, 2010

Lost Time

A  L  O  H  A !


This was my theme-song for many years. 

 Now it mostly reminds me of the blessings of ALOHA,
of friends, family & neighbors.


Let's be rocks together! Click and sing along as we look at some fresh Honolulu images:


"You don't really understand human nature
 unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round
 will wave at his parents every time around -
 and why his parents will always wave back."

  William D. Tammeus





"Each day of our lives
 we make deposits
 in the memory banks of our children."

  Charles R. Swindoll








“Write injuries in sand, kindnesses in marble”

 French Proverb

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We were as tiny mice,
 living in the baroque edifice
 of our parents' war-without-end.'
A milieu of constant stress + no reassurance or positive attention = severe damage.
That would be me.

It all seemed so fated,
 just the way the world works;
 get used to it.

"This is the best time of your life,"
 my father told me.
  "You'll have to work hard everyday,
 so enjoy being a kid."

This was the best I could hope for?!
  I already wanted to die.

Other kids played.
 They seemed childish and stupid to me;
  I knew the truth,
and set my sights on the far horizon
 of adulthood and escape.

I wasn't popular,
 which didn't bother me
 and was mutual.

The only peace & comfort I knew
 was in blessed solitude:
a book, a brook
running through trees.
Animals.

Alone at night in my room
their arguing filtered through a 
reassuring wall. . .

They never meant the messages that I received
but the were received.
And only now-
half a century later-
are they being examined
and rejected.

Dead letters
whose news (nevertheless)
 had shaped my life.

Time to explore new frontiers of being human.
No time for regret.
I'm making up for lost time:
being happy
"wasting" love and patience on strangers
and myself;
even on those closest.
                                                                                                   cloudia



"Make us glad
 in reward for the days of our sorrow,
 and for the years in which we have seen evil."
Psalm 90:15

Douay-Rheims Bible

26 comments:

Joop Zand said...

Really good work Cloudia,

Have a nice day.

greetings, Joop

the walking man said...

It is better late to the party of understanding childhood trauma's than to never open the invitation. Be Whole sista'

gigi-hawaii said...

Too bad you had to endure their fighting. I guess your parents were strong-willed people and were not willing to concede to each other. Sad.

When I saw them at brunch a few years ago, they seemed very pleasant, Cloudia. I am sure you would not have wanted my childhood, either, my silly books notwithstanding.

Bitch said...

You made my day with your post,
great, Cloudia!

Trotter said...

Aloha Cloudia! Actually, if you think it over, time was never lost...

Blogtrotter Two has moved to a new country and actually to the most populated city in Africa. Enjoy and have a great weekend!

Junosmom said...

Although our childhood shaped who we have been, perhaps we can choose from now who we will be.

Anonymous said...

Dear Cloudia --

Keep being a keiki! (Hawaiian child)

Being an adult all of the time is poop. (Your Dad was wrong on this topic....my Dad was wrong on a couple of things too.)

Aloha, DrumMajor

Akelamalu said...

"You don't really understand human nature
unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round
will wave at his parents every time around -
and why his parents will always wave back."


William D. Tammeus


I love that quote!

sealaura said...

not only do I get a daily hawaiian vacation but I also get so much wisdom. love the quote about the child on the merry go round. super cute.

Norm and Newman say Mahalo.

Charles Gramlich said...

Impressive. Melancholy but without pathos. Filled with honesty. I like this much.

Myrna R. said...

Cloudia, your words are so touching. Glad you made the decision to seek and find happiness, instead of dwelling on childhood sadness.

Full-On-Forward said...

You Bless me so Much. The little girl reminds me of "I Danced with Cinderella" (not sure if that's the title), by Michael W. Smith- the Christian artist that lost their young daughter in a tragic accident!

Beautiful shot- and such POWERFUL words! Also, I Love the deposit quote, but I love Swindoll, and don't remember that one! Thanks for sharing YOU; You!!

Blessings-

John

Daryl said...

I dont think anyone had the childhood they read about in books ... life isnt that simple but whats more important than looking back is looking forward

Unknown said...

What a great song. Love Paul Simon - one of our American greats.

Cloudia said...

You have helped me heal with your kindness here. Mahalo nui.

SandyCarlson said...

I can relate to this, Cloudia. I grew up in a similar environment. The arguing...It amazes me sometimes the behavior I learned just from listening to the arguing--for example, if you just take all the blame for everything, the arguing goes away. Talk about a mill stone around the neck! Unlearning that junk is a slow process. But I see now the soft sands that were the foundation of my upbringing have become the cement that makes the foundation of my life now. The process is painfully slow!

Monkey Man said...

What an excellent piece.

moondustwriter said...

We really need to keep our focus on the prize don't we? Love the proverb (well both of them)

You are a rock Cloudia

Moonie Smiles

Fireblossom said...

If I had to do my childhood over, I would jump off the nearest bridge rather than go through it again. Seriously.

The good news is, I don't have to go through it again.

Cloudia said...

I was nervous about posting this, but you have been magnificent!


Thanks

magiceye said...

.....beautiful.........

namaste /\ from mumbai
aloha!!

Windsmoke. said...

You have to grow up sometime and face the big bad world.

Anonymous said...

Wonderful photos.

So glad to hear you're reclaiming the joys of childhood now.

Pietro Brosio said...

Very intense and meaningful words, Cloudia. Thanks for sharing.

Dr. Russell Norman Murray said...

'Fred Tomaselli, Expulsion'

Wild and well-done.

Dr. Kingpin;)

Cloudia said...

mahalo