Friday, September 30, 2011

To A Sister

A L O H A !


 " Scared and sacred
are spelled with the same letters.
Aweful proceeds
from the same root word as
Terrify and terrific.
Every negative experience
holds the seeds of transformation. "

Alan Cohen



" A person who cares about the earth
will resonate with its purity. "

                                        Sally Fox 

"And we'll always work out together every day."

"The mark of a good marriage
is when only one of you goes crazy at a time!"
Heinz Kohut

"You don't marry someone you can live with; you marry the person who you cannot live without."

"What counts in making a happy marriage
is not so much how compatible you are,
but how you deal with incompatibility."

                                      Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy

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Yesterday, after speaking with a dear friend,
I wrote her the e-mail that follows.

Re-reading it,
I realized that it encapsulated 
much of what I've learned
about marriage.

You do not know my friend.
       She is not a blogger.  .  .

Dear Anonymous-ette:

Right back at YOU!
You are the one there making choices and I trust you completely.  What I have to contribute may or may not be helpful - but again, you will best know.
There has been so much 'mountains out of mole-hills" yelling & fuss in my life, that I have an immediate gratitude to someonewho ignores relationship ripples (your husband/my husband/men). 

Dwelling on the ripples, or 'working them through' has no interest to them. and you know what? it works! UNLESS (of course) you are really in an untenable relationship. In that case, you will know that you really need to get out. That's neither of us, I believe. The guys feel that something that is inherently 'right' (our relationship) will naturally right itself. . . hey, whats in the refrigerator? Gotta say: I kinda like that mentality, and have observed it to be true. The Abraham books might say that our job is to pick the best-feeling thought available to us right now. 
When we hold the joyful true energy of the best heart of our marriages, our partners eventually  respond to that beacon.

Like mountain climbers linked together, only one of us can 'fall' at a time.  When you are swinging on a rope,
thousands of feet up,you need a partner who is  securely dug into the rock face. Aniais nin said: 
  " What I cannot love, I overlook. Is that real friendship? "

I would say, that energetically and spiritually,
the core of every person IS LOVE-able.

  Overlooking what is unlovable, is to ignore illusion.  We have chosen and vowed to live in this amazing alchemical cauldron called "marriage." So let's defer to that when in doubt and disillusion. Trust that times demanding our action,
will undeniably demand our attention first. 

When in doubt, wait for a clearer message.
It will be obvious to you long BEFORE real danger/deal breakers fully develop. I can't help remembering that this is the first day of the year 5772.  The energy we hold this day will influence our entire year.  Shall it be an energy of doubtful deep-investigation, or one of awe and self-reflection and gratitude for harvest of all kinds? You did not ask for my opinion. It is only my heart of love for you that impels me.  Perhaps you'll forgive ME if I've intruded.
But looking up as I completed this note
I saw this  RAINBOW (above)  right outside my window! The first in our new home, on the first day of a new year. 
My New Year blessing to you:  "May you enjoy the new adventures and all the warmth of a relationship that has matured for 25 years, as I am." And many many rainbows, my Dear Friend Sister.     

                                                            Warmly, c-

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Thank YOU for visiting today.  Leave us a shout, or bit of relationship wisdom YOU've learned,
                                                          in comments.

                                                       Warmly, cloudia