Thursday, September 12, 2013

Blessings of a Hellish Childhood

A  L  O  H  A !
" Keep 
your fears
 to yourself, 
but share 
your inspiration
 with others. "

Robert Louis Stevenson

Suspended Pearl
" It's wonderful to climb
 the liquid mountains 
of the sky. 
Behind me 
and before me 
is God 
and I have
 no fears. "

Helen Keller 

Black Pearl
" Who would search
 for pearls 
must dive below. "

John Dryden

" Pearls 
mean tears. "

Doris Lessing 


Scientists continue to demonstrate
 that stress and abuse leave their traces
upon us,
our nervous system,
even Soul,
 in measurable and
 troubling ways,
troubling especially
 to survivors of early stress 
like myself.

We live(d) with a legacy: 
anxiety & depression 
seemingly hard-wired 
into our nervous system.

There are compensations.

Pressure the carbon of a child
long enough
and one may produce
a fiercely concentrated 
tested self-reliance,
and a sort of 
dark resilience
of gallows swagger, 
a sense of
humor that grows out of
one unsurprising slight
after another.

Any catharsis is good, really.

Me, age 5: 
I lay in the dark
and wrestled with
humankind's oldest,
deepest fears,

When you wrestle
with the finality,
the inevitability of 
as a five year old
alone in the dark,
you build capacity
for great Philosophy,
Art, or Crime.

Early, such a one 
has intimately
this life's grime.

Those lucky protected,
with childhood memories
of gold,
live unexamined
enchantment - 
at least until 
becoming old.

The Solitude
 We Each Must Face,
to the adult unprepared
is a bit,
sometimes WAY
too much!

unhappy children
have long
made friends
of death;

Mature years,
 to us,
are good years,
full of surprise!
Windfallen fruit!

No shadow now
upon us
of bully, 
or galoot.

Enjoying my sweets
at the end of the meal;
Deeply Grateful,
at such full beauty,
and love - 

that is All
That I

"Just desserts!"
the Pixies


So Pleased that
come here to play
with us!

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                                   "Spoiled" Cloudia