Thursday, February 19, 2009

Friends Like These

Click on photos to enlarge!

"The place in which I'll fit will not exist until I make it."
James Baldwin

"Nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion."

"The heart that loves is forever young." Greek Proverb

Here in Waikiki, the green forested Ko`olau Mountains are a vision at the end of long, high-rise & palm tree bracketed streets.

Tough kitty!
"You looking at me?!"
My best gal pal was wondering what to do.
Her formerly good friend, someone she had been close to, had listened to, and had encouraged through many emotional storms & alarms, had married a possessive Pete. My pal was jettisoned without even a 'thank you.'
Then, after months of silence my friend recieved a baby notice from that person. A transparent attempt to solicit a gift? My normally very giving friend felt sorely used. To be abandoned after years of "service" was one thing. To be solicited for a contribution just added insult to injury. She wanted to tell this person that it is NOT OK to be so self centered.
Which got me thinking about my "friends" who only phone when they want or need to talk. I support them. I do love them - but. I knew just what my pal was talking about. And this is what I told her:
We have at some point offered these people unconditional support and they have taken us up on it.
No one forced us to do it, we set our own boundaries after all.
We even knew that it wasn't "equal" from very near the start.
To get angry now seems pointless - or worse.
Our attention & support are golden gifts. And we gave of them freely.
This is the true coin of our caring; saying much more about ourselves than about the other person. To abdicate the generous role that we originated and have played only demeans us, somehow. Worse, it is a self inflicted wound. We may honorably fade away - relationships come and go throughout life. But to present a 'bill' for what we have freely given?
"Don't debase your coin with a grievance." I told her. "Send a gift, or move on."
What do YOU think?
A L O H A!