Click on photos to enlarge!"I could sooner reconcile all Europe than two women."
Louis XIV
"Women dress alike all over the world: they dress to be annoying to other women."
Elsa Schiaparelli
"Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone."
Lenny Bruce
"What a strange thing man is; and what a stranger thing woman." Lord Byron
"We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms." Elayne Boosler
Recently a blogger I enjoy following a lot, Bubble Wench of Blogs of Life, was honest enough in a post to basically say: "I'm empty, I'm pissed off, and it's all because of some betraying girl who I thought was my friend. I wanna be left alone!"
We all wrote in to curse the offender and to support our friend. That's what women and exceptional men DO! But it got me thinking.
We all wrote in to curse the offender and to support our friend. That's what women and exceptional men DO! But it got me thinking.
Ample research shows that for women, our mood, attitudes, happiness, financial habits, and even WEIGHT are strongly effected by the quality of our relationships; especially our relationships with other women, and MOST particularly, with our "Best Friend" or the lack thereof. We get lonely without a BFF to be unconditionally understanding. Especially when we no longer understand ourselves.
My lunch companion today contributed the fact that she too has come to enjoy solitude more than the hassles that go along with some close female friendships - though she is no hermit by any means; But I knew what she meant. Bubble Wench knows what she meant. And I'd wager that most every woman has struggled with this dichotomy in her life.
My lunch companion today contributed the fact that she too has come to enjoy solitude more than the hassles that go along with some close female friendships - though she is no hermit by any means; But I knew what she meant. Bubble Wench knows what she meant. And I'd wager that most every woman has struggled with this dichotomy in her life.
And female bosses? Blogger Akemalu tackled this one a few days ago, and that's WHOLE other post - or a doctoral thesis!
My independent solitude is a treasure that deeply satisfies while nourishing my soul & my work (words). It makes me ready to enjoy an interesting new girlfriend (or any person) on her own terms, and to let it blossom or die a dignified and quiet death. . .
So what is your take on all this? Women? Men? Intersex folks?
My independent solitude is a treasure that deeply satisfies while nourishing my soul & my work (words). It makes me ready to enjoy an interesting new girlfriend (or any person) on her own terms, and to let it blossom or die a dignified and quiet death. . .
So what is your take on all this? Women? Men? Intersex folks?
A L O H A! Cloudia
20 comments:
Being of the not female gender I love my solitude. Some people resent that it takes me months to return phone calls or make dates for a visit over coffee. I can not regret my attitude, it is what I am.
My BFF is within me and we travel easiest and furthest in silence.
Good friends and good women-friends are placed before us along the road of life. Sometimes we "outgrow" some friends. Some others are always with you in spirit, and can pick up where the times left off, without a hiccup.
Nurses as co-workers can be really punishing. The shift can work real well, or individual nurses can be the meanest women to their co-workers. Throw all those raging and changing hormones, and different generations into a tight, overworked ward. Whew! Talk about trying to look at the "big picture" sometimes. But if you need help, they'll rally round like animals in a circle to take care of the need.
Yep, I enjoy quiet time by myself. Prefer it on a beach.
Aloha, DrumMajor
For once I can't quite go along with your quote: seems a bit excessive to me!
I love all the quotes Cloudia. We are a force to be reckoned with to be sure! I'm cheered that you think I have DEALT with the problem. :)
I don't think men have an equivalent to the BFF. Or is it just me that's a loner? Unconditional friendship is an expression of faith which is hard to live up to, but brings out the best in us.
You nailed it Claudia, first with those photos and captions and second with your dead-on words.
I have very few female friends. The two I trust are my mother and my friend's mother. Friends my age are male. The thing about men that makes them different, and sometimes easier, than women is they really don't think below the surface. It's all right in front of you. I know I am over-generalizing. I guess the men I have for friends are like that. No games. No competing insecurities. So much easier. And then there is that blissful thing called solitude. So satisfying!
I have a couple of pretty good female friends, but it's interesting to me that they are both actually more comfortable with men than with other women. Both have more close male friends than female.
I laughed out loud at the quote by Elayne Boosler. I can see that, but I could never kill another person unless my life was on the line at that moment.
I think the competition between women is unnecessary and a waste of time. There are more interesting things to do rather than fuss over fashion, hair styles and what is going on during the reality TV shows.
While I do think there are gender differences, what you discussed seems to me to be more of an indicator of extrovert/introvert. I know both men and women who recharge by being around other people. Merely being involved with others added energy to their entire being. Myself, I can be extroverted, in fact test as an extrovert on the Myers-Briggs indicator, yet I must have time alone periodicaly to recharge myself. My husband is even more introverted as is one daughter. One of my best friends, however, becomes more and more animated when around others. Interesting.
Like the old saying goes: Boyfriends and husbands may come and go, but true girlfriends always stick together. Okay, I added the true part.
P.S. love the photo of the first nations dancers!! I've spent a lot of time at pow wows, and always admire the dancing outfits.
Oh, I love my solitude, but I also love a good long conversation by phone with my BFF in NC, or a long talk over coffee with a friend. It doesn't happen often enough, for my taste, but it happens more than it used to. Yes, some of my women friends have broken my heart before with cattiness or downright orneriness, but we usually patch things up.
Great post!
D
Okay, jumped straight to comment form because I didn't want other comments to influence!
I soooo get it, the dichotomy and the seemingly "inherent" competetiveness among women...I get that is happens, but I don't get why. I always get gay men to do my hair (thanks guys!) because a female will sabotage me on my hunt for the last three remaining males on the planet.
My BFF and I have known each other since 2nd grade, that's about 30 years...she's know her husband now for almost 10, I've been with mine for almost 7...you want to put that unconditional love up against history you better be packin'!
My SE said the other day, "how often does SHE call you? Would SHE drop everything if YOU called?" etc.... Maybe not right now because she's having a rough time, but she has done it in the past for me and you can bet your buns I'll do it now for her...
We've been through it all I think, high school, raising her kids (sans the dad after a short while...they are amazing though!), college (we coordinated our schedules to avoid day care and our jobs), husbands (yes, plural) and now, our day to day...(the girls are 22 and 19!)
Mess with it? Not gonna happen and any man who would make that a deal breaker would be gone in a second...because it's not a man I would want. (My SE loves my BFF, it was just an argument!)
Don't make me choose because you would lose!
I've tried to have other GF's because K and I live so far apart, and she has too....but that level of comfort and total acceptance is hard to find. I've been horribly betrayed by women I thought were friends...but I know, without a doubt, it wasn't a BFF or MY BFF!
Women......(omg...this was like a blog! Not a comment!)
love women for their predictable unpredictability!
As a writer, I cherish what I like to call "alone time". As much as I enjoy my friends, I don't have many of them. The ones I do have are very dear to me, and I've known the majority of them since childhood. I have so little free time that I'm not interested in forming new, trivial relationships.
I try to carve out at least a little alone time each day. It allows me to think through whatever it is I need to think through, and it puts my head in the right place for whatever comes next.
It's tough to balance togetherness and alone-ness, but your entry has certainly got my mind racing. Thanks for posting this...I needed it!
My best male friend and I have been best friends since 8th grade. We sometimes go as long as 10 years without seeing one another and with very little contact otherwise. We share very little in terms of our sense of spirituality, attitude towards work, politics, even attitude towards women. But what we do have two things. The first is joy in each other's life. The second is an undeniable trust in the fact that when one of us truly needs a friend, the other will be there.
That quote by Elayne Boosler is awesome! I had never heard it before, but it is kinda true.
Really enjoyable post, Cloudia.
I'm glad I'm just a simple giraffe!
LOL Cloudia! An old male friend of mine found me on Facebook (that has proved to interesting!) and he was always such a love...but he told me, as a Christian, loving man, that he now understands why some men are moved to violence! He would never, ever do that but he was royally screwed, I felt like apologizing on behalf of my gender but then again, I've know a lot of guys who've screwed people over....but guys come for you up front like a pit bull...women? They come at you from the side like a coyote...or a hyena if it's your carcass they're after! It's nuts. Maybe I shouldn't make it a gender issue but statistically?.....
I'm glad this post was still up...it's very provocative and I'm liking everyone's comments!
Walking Man: Yes, he travels farthest whpo travles alone. i'm honored that you travel here.
Drum Major: Interesting comment. Nurses are healing godesses!
Dave King: That's because you are a lovel gentleman.
Ake: ;-) (Shared smile)
Brother T: A wonderful line about unconditional friendship. Thank you!
Sandy: I know what you mean. Mahalo.
Charles: They are like Sandy, above. Bet they are happy to have you as a friend.
Barbara: Amen!
Junosmom: Yes. YOU are interesting!
Deborah: Cool. Perhaps you'll take some Pow Wow pictures this summer.
RiverPoet: We are in accord. Again ;-)
Robin: I'm humbled to have inspired that great comment! Mahalo!
Magic Eye: Magical & Clever comment!! Namaste.
Thank you, CARMI! Your words carry lots of flavor & meaning, and I really appreciate your sharing them with us here. Your blog has a great patina.
Grandpa: Your comment exposes a beautiful vein of truth re: friendship. It is mysterious and yet reliable. Thanks for stirring my heart and thoughts, my friend
Lauren: Aloha & welcome! Nice to see you here.
Mr. NECKman: You are a very welcome giraffe! What a view you have. Aloha, sweetie.
Robin: Thanks for saying you're glad this post stayed up another day. I try to post daily, but I wanted more people to see it and commen. Glad you are enjoying the conversation as much as I am. Plus I was just BURNED out (as you will see in Monday's post ;-)
Aloha, Friend!!
this was really funny!
i suppose everything is true to a relative extent, but that's the difference between men and women!
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