Thursday, September 12, 2013

Blessings of a Hellish Childhood

A  L  O  H  A !
" Keep 
your fears
 to yourself, 
but share 
your inspiration
 with others. "

Robert Louis Stevenson

Suspended Pearl
" It's wonderful to climb
 the liquid mountains 
of the sky. 
Behind me 
and before me 
is God 
and I have
 no fears. "

Helen Keller 

Black Pearl
" Who would search
 for pearls 
must dive below. "

John Dryden

" Pearls 
mean tears. "

Doris Lessing 


Scientists continue to demonstrate
 that stress and abuse leave their traces
upon us,
our nervous system,
even Soul,
 in measurable and
 troubling ways,
troubling especially
 to survivors of early stress 
like myself.

We live(d) with a legacy: 
anxiety & depression 
seemingly hard-wired 
into our nervous system.

There are compensations.

Pressure the carbon of a child
long enough
and one may produce
a fiercely concentrated 
tested self-reliance,
and a sort of 
dark resilience
of gallows swagger, 
a sense of
humor that grows out of
one unsurprising slight
after another.

Any catharsis is good, really.

Me, age 5: 
I lay in the dark
and wrestled with
humankind's oldest,
deepest fears,

When you wrestle
with the finality,
the inevitability of 
as a five year old
alone in the dark,
you build capacity
for great Philosophy,
Art, or Crime.

Early, such a one 
has intimately
this life's grime.

Those lucky protected,
with childhood memories
of gold,
live unexamined
enchantment - 
at least until 
becoming old.

The Solitude
 We Each Must Face,
to the adult unprepared
is a bit,
sometimes WAY
too much!

unhappy children
have long
made friends
of death;

Mature years,
 to us,
are good years,
full of surprise!
Windfallen fruit!

No shadow now
upon us
of bully, 
or galoot.

Enjoying my sweets
at the end of the meal;
Deeply Grateful,
at such full beauty,
and love - 

that is All
That I

"Just desserts!"
the Pixies


So Pleased that
come here to play
with us!

Scrawl YOUr comment,
joke, or graffito,
on the comment wall,
                                   "Spoiled" Cloudia


Elephant's Child said...

The pressed carbon you were as a child is now diamond clear, diamond strong, diamond valuable...

eViL pOp TaRt said...

You transcended your sorrows, and prevailed. Emerging stronger in the process. Bless you, Cloudia!

Brian Miller said...

great quote on the pearls and diving below....and that pressure does shape and make us...though in the moment we usually dont realize that...smiles

aloha from va

PerthDailyPhoto said...

The words of a real writer! I always enjoy your own words best Cloudia.. And o course..Pixie :)

Adam said...

great quotes

Charles Gramlich said...

we all want to protect our children from that kind of pain, but it all depends on the world really. we can do our best but life will decide how things are going to go down for us.

Anonymous said...

You are a true diamond!

Myrna R. said...

The quotes are great. But your writing and sharing is wonderful. It's true. Early trauma or difficulties strengthen a person, makes them more introspective too. Good writing Cloudia.

kaykuala said...

There may be an initial discomfort before things work out again. Great write Cloudia!


Cloudia said...


Thanks Each of YOU

Mama Zen said...

"gallows swagger"

I've never heard it described better.

TexWisGirl said...

blessings to you.

Bob Bushell said...

Beautiful skies, and I love "A Small Fruit Song - Al Stewart", on your last blog.

Teresa said...

A deep, resounding Amen! to that sister. So glad that Pixie and her cohorts agree, too.

Leroy said...

Blessings and happy times to you, Cloudia!

Cloudia said...

Can't believe I put up this post -

Thanks for the warmth, each of YOU

DeniseinVA said...

And here you are giving us your warmth and sharing your beautiful soul, brightening each of our visits with wisdom. You are a true diamond my friend :)

heartinsanfrancisco said...

This is so beautiful, Cloudia. I never thought of it quite like that, but I believe you're right. Wishing you many blessings and the very best kind of just desserts.


I believe that very much too. And most of my dearest friends also had difficult childhoods, I think it makes for a richer personality...and I'm very grateful for where I am now.

rupam sarma said...

Beautiful post.

Hilary said...

Ah yes, you are a true gem. And I'd love to hear a pixie squeal.

Cloudia said...

Thanks very much, friends

Spare Parts and Pics said...

Powerful words and photographs! said...

I Love You... Trauma and a horrid childhood has made it very difficult for me to make friends who actually care for and about me who are close enough to give me an actual hug or call me to go out for a walk and talk. It is a rope this life and I seem to be hanging on. Your post today made so much come rushing back! A great local friend is coming into my life now.

Karen S. said...

Oh yes questions, still busy my life, but that can be a good thing. It's the solitude moments that can crush me and soothe me. Isn't life just an amazing ride? I just adore your first photo. They are on a mission.

Kay said...

This is what mom says all the time to us... as do I.

Anonymous said...

Ya Done Good! And blew the brains of the people who tried to trip you! Poopy to them; and cheers to the Women of Roar!

Cloudia said...

Thanks very much for sharing.